Ask your Husband: A Catholic Guide to Femininity
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- Create Date：2022-03-13 06:51:42
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Stephanie C. Gordon
- ISBN：1505118468
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Summary
There is， perhaps， no more controversial verse in Scripture than “wives， be subject to your husbands， as it behoveth in the Lord” （Col。 3:18）。 In Ask Your Husband， Stephanie C。 Gordon explains how two millennia of Catholic teaching， as taught by saints and tradition， reveals how wives can practically live out this contentious line from Saint Paul in following their husbands， and how it complements the husband's task to lay down his life for his wife （see Eph。 5:25）。
Ask Your Husband instructs Catholic wives how to properly fulfill their roles as helpmates （see Gen。 2:18） to their husbands in Christian marriage: by emulating Our Lady and embracing God's order for the home， a loving patriarchy， just as she did。 Ask Your Husband is a counter-cultural manifesto of the home。 Against the cancer of secular feminism so prevalent in today's society， Christian wives should employ this book in their labors to rehabilitate the wayward popular view--even held by some Christians-- of their marriages， their sexual roles， their mothering， and their souls。
Ask Your Husband instructs Catholic wives how to properly fulfill their roles as helpmates （see Gen。 2:18） to their husbands in Christian marriage: by emulating Our Lady and embracing God's order for the home， a loving patriarchy， just as she did。 Ask Your Husband is a counter-cultural manifesto of the home。 Against the cancer of secular feminism so prevalent in today's society， Christian wives should employ this book in their labors to rehabilitate the wayward popular view--even held by some Christians-- of their marriages， their sexual roles， their mothering， and their souls。
Reviews
Jen
，
I read a sample of this book and bought it because I had high hopes for this book。 I appreciate the author’s willingness to share counter-cultural ideas; however， I cannot in good conscience recommend the book for a few reasons （in no particular order）。。。1。 It is not written in charity。 I can’t in recent memory remember a book that was written with so much snark as this one。 It doesn’t matter if you say all the right things。。。if you are not saying it in a spirit of love， you will not win hearts。 I read a sample of this book and bought it because I had high hopes for this book。 I appreciate the author’s willingness to share counter-cultural ideas; however， I cannot in good conscience recommend the book for a few reasons （in no particular order）。。。1。 It is not written in charity。 I can’t in recent memory remember a book that was written with so much snark as this one。 It doesn’t matter if you say all the right things。。。if you are not saying it in a spirit of love， you will not win hearts。 I was turned off by the tone at so many parts， which is saying something considering I can be a pretty sarcastic person myself。 2。 This book includes many quotes/references that are taken out of context。 It’s very easy to include a snippet from a document to make it fit your agenda， and there was a lot of that。 3。 The author claimed all of what she said is Catholic teaching when it is not （see point 2 above）。 She would have done much better by saying many of her ideas were suggestions， like a wife not leaving the house without asking her husband permission。 But to say that it’s doctrine and if you don’t do it， you’re sinning？ No。 4。 There were many generalizations - one being that women are pursuing money and careerism when they seek work outside the home。 I have no doubt that’s true for some， but many are just doing what they feel called to do。 Honestly， I agree with some of what she said。 Women should be at home！ Women need to care for their husbands and husbands should lead their wives！ But her overall approach was less than appealing， and all of the good things she said will be overlooked because of the points above。 Just to give you a direct quote， I showed this part to my husband （without telling him about the book） to see what he thought: “Ladies， if your husband has never sat you down to request， respectfully， that you honor his fashion， exercise， dietary， or romantic preference， you very likely have a grave marital problem。” My husband literally thought that it was a joke。Please don’t waste your money on this when there are better Catholic marriage books out there。 。。。more
Ann
，
2。5/3 stars。 This book has potential to be a good —even awesome— book， however it falls flat。 Quite flat。 Honestly， I am sad to say so。 I give the book 2。5/3 stars because after reading the whole thing， I do believe Stephanie Gordon set out on a good venture （respect and celebrate your husband and embrace your womanly calling） but through poor writing and maybe even more so， poor editors， the book is very clunky。 I would be extremely reticent to recommend it。 And I say this as someone who is by 2。5/3 stars。 This book has potential to be a good —even awesome— book， however it falls flat。 Quite flat。 Honestly， I am sad to say so。 I give the book 2。5/3 stars because after reading the whole thing， I do believe Stephanie Gordon set out on a good venture （respect and celebrate your husband and embrace your womanly calling） but through poor writing and maybe even more so， poor editors， the book is very clunky。 I would be extremely reticent to recommend it。 And I say this as someone who is by no means a feminist。 As Alice von Hildebrand states: feminism without femininity is a sham。 I want to expound because I think the content matter of this book deserves that。 First， much of the book is， I am sad to say， tone-deaf。 It is written in a sarcastic and derisive manner。 The author frequently scoffs at opposing arguments （and sometimes presents the weakest opposing arguments）— you can honestly feel the eye-roll。 If this were a bestie girl-chat over lunch and she wanted to eye roll and make use of things like “obviously” “that should be so clear to logical people” “you’re illogical”— that’s one thing， BUT a self-proclaimed guide to femininity is not the place for such language。 It constantly distracts the reader from the point and makes it insanely easy to confuse what IS being said。 I had to laugh because， as someone with a more aggressive/expressive personality， I can relate to her tone-deaf charges （totally guilty myself）， but it was MY HUSBAND who helped me significantly in this department。 He made the simple argument that if I want to promote femininity， embrace femininity — even in the way I write。 Being aggressive and derisive will only turn people away。 He was right。 This book crystallized that point。 If I were to proclaim myself a lady （which this author does） and then constantly mocked my opponents and blew over arguments by calling people illogical， I am actually not embracing my feminine strengths but adopting the ever-cringe-worthy “bro-girl” blows。 That’s the oddest thing about the book: along with its “tude”， it has a decidedly masculine tone （constantly using incredibly “bro” like examples: Rocky， Gladiator， Will Ferral， Parks & Rec， etc） when it’s not being derisive。 *Tone matters。* It is part of how we communicate。 I can say “Good Morning” but my tone can totally change the meaning。 Stephanie writes as a bro-dude， and it honestly messes with reader and heart of the book。 And as a woman， it’s crazy how our tone can make or break the day。 I believe Stephanie knows this， but for whatever reason， she still opted for manliness， condescension， and even a patronizing tone。 While ironically arguing for not being derisive or obnoxious。 Unfortunately， echoing the less-admirable qualities of her husband。 So， maybe it makes sense。 I wish her editors had helped her find her voice， instead she sounds like a mini-Tim。 Furthering this， the structure of the book is incredibly confusing。 Stephanie makes bold claims that seem to actually be straight up misogynistic。 In one chapter， she relies heavily on Aristotle to prove that men and women are unequal。 Her goal is to discuss marital friendship， BUT what she means by the term “unequal” is entirely unclear。 Also， why Aristotle？ Yes， he’s fascinating， but he’s a pagan philosopher and the attempt here is to promote a Catholic view？ Confusing。 I honestly believed she was stating that women are not equal in dignity… but then towards the end of the book she talks about how men and women ARE equal in dignity。 Things like this are not helpful。 In fact， she leaves quite a few unclear holes throughout the book， which I honestly believe could be damaging to women trying to embrace femininity。 Because while she strives to uphold the Catholic view， her weak writing can lead people to believe she is arguing for all kinds of messes instead。 We have an obligation to speak the truth and speak it well， but sometimes what Stephanie is saying is masked behind her eye-rolling tone and poorly argued/not explained points。 Instead of starting at the beginning， with the WHY of femininity and the WHY of marriage， she jumps in guns blazing and shouting and then tries to make sense of it all。With that said， there are lots important points that this book strives to make， for example: keeping romance alive in your marriage， celebrating your husband， looking your best for him out of love for him， not nagging， not publicly shaming your spouse， the importance of homemaking， why moms are crucial， why motherhood is the ultimate career— yes， yes YESSSS。 But， again， it’s NOT explained well。 In fact， it’s articulated is a messy manner。 A lot of times the author makes a point and states “don’t like it？ Suck it up。” “Facts don’t care about your feelings。” Or， “take it up with Jesus。” Yikes， girl， this is how you drive women away。 So again， unless you already understand where Stephanie is coming from， you might find the book palatable， but for anyone searching this book and it’s scattered delivery is potentially damaging。 What about the reverence that should be seen in the union between husband and wife？ The reverence that we have for others？In conclusion， the GOOD in this book is mixed in with muddied language， confusion， and defensiveness。 Thus making it， at times， hard to decipher what the author is trying to convey and who exactly she is addressing。 Again， I would be hesitant to recommend this book to others because I sincerely believe it could lead to greater confusion AND that the Catholic Church already has many profound and clearly written authors who have already penned books on this subject。 I would strongly recommend reading instead: — Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married （seriously a MUST read） AND The World’s First Love— Letters to a Young Bride （a much clearer guide to being a wife） AND The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand—The Eternal Woman by Gertrude von le Fort —Dietrich von Hildebrand’s books on marriage。 —The Mission， Nature， and Role of Woman 。。。more
Christian Bergmann
，
I wish there was a lower star to give this book。I rarely say this about a book， but this book should never have been written， and never should have been published。 Shame on TAN for doing so。Throughout this book， and even Tim Gordon's sorry excuse for a book 'The Case for Patriarchy'， you will be lied to on multiple occasions。 You will be introduced to a world of false binaries， of black and white choices， of poorly thought-out and poorly argued assertions that allegedly come right from the heart I wish there was a lower star to give this book。I rarely say this about a book， but this book should never have been written， and never should have been published。 Shame on TAN for doing so。Throughout this book， and even Tim Gordon's sorry excuse for a book 'The Case for Patriarchy'， you will be lied to on multiple occasions。 You will be introduced to a world of false binaries， of black and white choices， of poorly thought-out and poorly argued assertions that allegedly come right from the heart of the Church。 But this world is naive， simplistic， ignorant， and， I'm sorry to say， toxic。In this world， so casually laid out by Stephanie Gordon， women incur mortal sin for not wanting sex when they are tired。 In this world， women are not allowed to leave the home unless they are given permission by their husband。 In this world， women must defer to the wisdom of their husbands at all times， and never talk about their husband unless he is present。 （Or， if you've read Tim's book you'll know that 'prudential judgments' are the realm solely of the man; if a child is sick， only the man can decide whether or not he is too sick to go to Mass - stupid wife， thinking you can crack a problem like that）。 Moreover， if women in this world are not submitting to their husband's dietary， exercise， fashion， or romantic preferences， they probably have a grave marital problem。 Oh， and body positivity？ So selfish， women。 So is getting an education， by the way， in this twisted world the Gordons are laying out。If you don't like this book， or Tim Gordon's， you will probably be called a 'Christian feminist' and laughed at for being hysterical。 And these books have the feel of wanting to be more provocative than thoughtful。 Sadly， the number of people responding positively to their vision of male headship and wifely submission is startling。 My heart breaks for the woman whose poorly-formed husband reads this book and thinks this is remotely close to a truly Christian vision of marriage and family。The thing is， there is much to critique and lament about today's culture - especially for what passes as feminism these days。 There is much that has gone wrong。 But this is not a healthy， ennobling vision of marriage and family。 This is a recipe for abuse， and there is nothing here that exemplifies the cruciform love of Jesus Christ; nothing that attempts to interpret marriage along christological lines; nothing that attempts to break open the Scriptures for a deeper， more interesting engagement with Ephesians 5 or Genesis 1-3， delving into the ancient languages to find their true meaning。 But then， the Gordons aren't interested in deep thought or the true meaning of things （heck， they practically dismiss Pope John Paul II out of hand as a 'borderline Christian feminist'， assuming that to be 。。。 insulting， I guess）。Do not buy this book。 Do not pay for it。 If you see someone with it， confront them about it and tell them to read Pope John Paul II instead。 He communicates the tradition and theology of the Church， especially when it comes to marriage and family， in a way that is faithful， beautiful， Scriptural， and phenomenologically compelling。 In comparison， the Gordons teach nothing but poison。For good marriage enrichment material， from a lay couple who are intelligent， coherent， and present a truly beautiful vision of love， sexuality， marriage and family， please read instead Alice and Dietrich von Hildebrand， in particular their books:'Man and Woman''By Love Refined''Marriage: the mystery of faithful love。' 。。。more
Keri Cooper
，
The writing is not strong and suffers， as other reviewers have said， from a lack of editing。 The author comes across as flippant and degrading – especially if you do not fit into her “one size fits all” marriage advice。 A good editor could have worked with her to create a book that would have shared her views in a more helpful manner – this is not the book to convince those who disagree （thanks in a large part to the snarky comments） and will only delight those who already share her views and ar The writing is not strong and suffers， as other reviewers have said， from a lack of editing。 The author comes across as flippant and degrading – especially if you do not fit into her “one size fits all” marriage advice。 A good editor could have worked with her to create a book that would have shared her views in a more helpful manner – this is not the book to convince those who disagree （thanks in a large part to the snarky comments） and will only delight those who already share her views and are willing to look past the limited perspective and weak authorship。Lacking an imprimatur and a nihil obstat isn’t usually a sticking point for me; however， if you’re going to say over and over again， ‘This is church teaching and if you don’t like it， take it up with Jesus，” having them might be helpful， especially if you choose to cherry pick your references。 。。。more
Karen Cox
，